You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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