Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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