Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
