Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
