i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
oh god was she eating orange peels again
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
