Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
No more Irish car bombs ever.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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