im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
