Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize
