no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
