you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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