Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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