she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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