and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
