no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
