Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
