Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
