At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you had me at cake vodka
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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