Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
