Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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