Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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