yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
