hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
