Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
