Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
