I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
