she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
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I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
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I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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