Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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