We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just had sex on a roof
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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