Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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