Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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