If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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