Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
