I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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