I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
