There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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