I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Randomize
