come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
