i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I had to cum in my sink.
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