I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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