All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
