dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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