We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
