Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
