My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Randomize
