WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
