I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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