tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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