This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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