Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
