I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
