saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
