He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
