That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
