He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
they're like a gay fantastic four
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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