well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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