He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
high people should be assigned attendants
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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