One girl and one boy is just not enough.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
