I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Green mimosas i think yes
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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