my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
