Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm drive I can fine osifer
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
