Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
