Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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