Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize