There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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