??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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