he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
