How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
