I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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