Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
